Changes

Hey! it's me! coming atcha from my glorious hometown Del City,Oklahoma. (I stress the word glorious). Like any other person returning home after a few years of hiatus, things are not as I quite remember them. Friends, some of which I've known for about 12+ years, have grown and changed.

I found the hole created by my leaving, filled in, in my circles of friends. I've also found many new faces they've came to know, and befriend, and I've witnessed my closest friend, a shy,short and artistic little fellow, grow up into an outgoing,spontaneous young adult (with a girlfriend, something I find bittersweet, being torn from being proud and happy then being sad that I missed it all) Most of them, my friends, are just as I left them in mentality though, an effect of nostalgia that is almost tear producing from happiness.

As is the theme for this entry, change yet another bittersweet effect I'm noticing in this trip. I'm saddened to have missed it all, the good, the bad, and the boring. Yet, a feeling of pride, and joy that my friends, those who I hold dearest to my heart, are growing up into their potentials. I've got friends who going into the military,succeding in band,blooming as artist,constantly conditioning for athletics, a few unfortunately down on their luck but all living and learning life. A life I feel I am no longer a part of, or fringing on it if anything. An example of such, occured today. I went to a band practice with 2 of my friends, and there were probably 30 kids in all,I knew 4 people at said invent (2 friends included), and they,my friends, were fluidly interacting with them. I'm not comfortable with new, uknown people. I get nervous and anxious, so my day was full of anxiety attacks, cause I was there for a good part of the day (till it finished anyways). This part of the day saddened me, I kinda walked away abit and stood by myself in the damn rain (a rather emo sounding statement I know, and this entry is taking on that kinda tone).I miss what I had, those years ago. I miss what I knew, and the friends of those days. I also miss the years I lost with my friends, I miss the memories I'll never be a part of, I miss my old life.

This is not to say, that I regret anything in my new life, or the people I've learned to love. Just a statement of leaving a place I called home for my childhood.In closing I find myself thinking that they probably feel a similar set of feelings on my departure (one can hope), but life is never easy and nothing last forever, we just have to hold onto those we care about, and the memories we share.